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Schedule Maker: a Google Sheet to Plan Your Week

Schedule Maker: a Google Sheet to Plan Your Week

Get my free and customizable schedule maker template to create your own timeboxed weekly calendar in an easy-to-use Google Sheet. Build a printable weekly schedule for college classes or work. You can merge cells and add your own images, icons and colors!

Many people bristle at the idea of using a schedule maker app. They don’t want restrictions and prefer the freedom to tackle things as they come up.

While an open day is wonderful on a vacation when you have nothing to do but relax, vacations eventually end. In the real world, there is work to finish, people to meet, and a family to nurture.

The fact is, we perform better under constraints. Weekly schedules give us a framework, while nothingness torments us with the tyranny of choice. Any artist will tell you about the challenge of staring at a blank canvas; a white page is the bane of every author. Likewise, an unscheduled day isn’t freedom. Rather, it’s a recipe for regret. When we don’t plan time in our day to do what really matters, our life quickly falls out of balance.

Boss noticing empty calendar for employee that doesn't use a schedule maker, assigns more tasks and has them watch their kids over Zoom on their mobile phone

Whether battling distractions in school, at work, or with family and friends, we must make time for the important things in life. If we don’t plan what we will give our attention to, we risk having our time stolen by distraction. Learning how to schedule our time is an essential skill, as I describe in my book, Indistractable.

This guide will teach you how to do what you really want. It will teach you how to avoid getting sidetracked. You’ll learn tried and true methods backed by hundreds of scientific studies. Also, you’ll learn how to manage distractions, so you can get more out of each day, every day.

I designed this guide to teach you how to use a tool like the free schedule maker above. I’ve outlined the major sections below so you can jump to a particular area of interest. But I highly recommend scrolling through the entire story so you won’t miss anything. Whether you don’t know how to use a schedule creator, don’t keep a weekly/daily schedule, or have trouble sticking to one, you’ll find using these methods can completely change your life. It can help you finally get control of your time and attention.

This article contains the following:

Why Planning Your Day is Absolutely Essential

How do I Create a Schedule?

schedule maker

WEEKLY SCHEDULE MAKER

Download a free schedule maker template
to help you design your ideal day. 

Take back control of your time
and remove distraction from your life forever.

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Planning Your Day with a Schedule Maker Is Essential

Many people struggle with time management. But for most, the problem isn’t a lack of willpower or a deficiency of character. Rather, they lack an understanding of how to manage their day. A good schedule maker and a weekly or daily schedule template can make all the difference. But, you need to first understand its importance. Then, you need to learn the skills to create and stay in control of your schedule. The results can be remarkable.

Why You Should be Stingy with Your Time

Bust of Seneca with word bubble saying to be stingy with your timeSeneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher, wrote, “People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time, they are most wasteful of the one thing in which it is right to be stingy.” Although Seneca’s words are more than two thousand years old, they are just as applicable today.

Think of all the ways people steal your time. Your plan was to wake up and pray or meditate. But your teenage daughter can’t find the shirt she wanted to wear for school today. What do you do? You abandon your plans to join the hunt. Or you make breakfast and your toddler wanted oatmeal instead of eggs, so you remake the meal. Then you get to work. You sit down at your desk and decide to spend some time working on that new client proposal. But then Jim from Accounting drops by to say “hi” and asks you how your weekend was.

Twenty minutes later, Jim leaves and you finally open your laptop to get some work done. That’s when you see your email inbox is overflowing with thirty new messages. You start plowing through a few of the most urgent ones only to get a text on your phone from your colleague. “Are you free?” the message reads. “Can you join us for this client meeting?”

You decide to address your messages later so you attend the client meeting only to discover you weren’t really needed there. Hoping no one notices, you decide to do a little email checking on your phone. Just then, a little red icon appears on the Facebook app. Curious, you open the app. Wouldn’t you know it! Your old roommate from college just landed her dream job; well, you’ve just got to leave a message. It’ll only take a sec.

The entire day goes by like this. From breakfast to afternoon to the way home, you’re swinging from task to task at someone else’s whim. You’re reacting to demands on your time that distract you from, wait, what was it you were supposed to do this morning? Oh yeah, the new client proposal. Maybe tomorrow.

Of course, other people love the fact that you pivot to their priorities and away from your own. Your employer loves knowing you’ll respond to every email, even if it means working long nights and weekends. Also, your family loves knowing you will do things for them they could have done themselves. And finally, your daughter could look for her own shirt and your little one could deal with the fact that it’s eggs today. As for the technology companies, oh boy are they happy! Facebook and Twitter love the fact you’ll drop everything every time a notification pops up.

Why do we make decisions that lead to this sort of overworked, over-stressed, and ultimately unproductive day? Our instinct is to claim we just don’t have enough time in the day to get everything done, but that’s not really true. The average American spends 5.5 hours per day on leisure. Perhaps you’re thinking there’s no way you have that much free time. Just add up all the time you spend browsing the web, watching TV, and doing other miscellaneous non-work related tasks, and chances are you’d find the time. This is the ultimate irony of distraction—we go through life in a frazzled race, trying to get things done, while accomplishing few of our priorities, and then, when we do spend time on leisure, we don’t even enjoy it.

Seneca noted that people protect their property in all sorts of ways. They use locks, security systems, and storage units—but most do little to protect their time. A study by PPAI Research found only a third of Americans use a daily schedule. This means the vast majority of people wake up every morning with no real plans for how they want to spend their day. They don’t guard their most precious asset: their time. It’s just waiting for someone to steal it. The fact is, if you don’t plan your day, someone else will.

What is the Difference Between Traction and Distraction?

A distraction is something we do that moves us away from what we really want. The opposite of distraction is traction. Traction is something we do that moves us towards what we really want. The difference seems obvious but distraction has a sneaky way of tricking us.

Traction vs distraction infographic, part of the theory behind a schedule maker and timeboxing

At any given moment, it’s hard to tell whether we are moving towards or away from what we really want. Checking your work email may feel productive in the moment, but when you really need to focus your attention on a big project you’re neglecting, you’re bound to regret the time you wasted cleaning out your inbox.

The difference between traction and distraction is intent. Any action can be either a distraction or traction depending on what we intend to do with our time. Relying upon our feelings in the moment is too risky. The only way to truly know what we want is to plan ahead.

In my research and consulting work, I’ve heard countless people tell me how difficult it is to manage their time. But when I ask them what they got distracted from, they have trouble answering the question. They don’t recall what they planned to do. When I ask them to show me their schedule planner so I can see what they intended to do, they show me a calendar full of white space. If there is only one takeaway, it’s this: you can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it is distracting you from. If you don’t schedule your day, you can’t possibly know the difference between what you intended to do and what was a distraction.

In the next section, we’ll dive into how to create a weekly schedule template and keep to it. If you find yourself enjoying this guide to using a schedule maker, you’ll likely enjoy my other writing. I frequently share new research on the science of behavioral design through my free email newsletter.

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How do I Create a Weekly Schedule?

A schedule maker is an app for building a weekly template for how you intend to spend your time. Here’s how it stops you from getting sidetracked: with a weekly template in hand, you’ll always know the difference between traction and distraction. If you find yourself doing what you planned, that’s traction. Anything else is a distraction.

There’s nothing wrong with scrolling Instagram, playing a video game, or watching Netflix, as long as that’s what you intended to do. Taking a break can be good for us. It’s when we do these things unintentionally that we get into trouble. For this practice to work, you must schedule every minute of your day on your schedule maker. This technique is called, “timeboxing” or making a “zero-based calendar.”

Does making a schedule guarantee you’ll never go off track? Of course not. After years of using this method, I still go off track from time to time. The point is to help you identify distraction so you can refine and improve how you spend your time in the future. Knowing you’ll slip-up is the secret to sustainable schedule making. Every time you fail, you have an opportunity to learn, adapt, and improve how you use your time to better accomplish what you want.

Conversely, if you think of a schedule as rigid, you’re more likely to throw it out the first time you get sidetracked. If you think of it as something you can continually improve, you increase the odds you’ll keep with it. You tailor it to your needs by adjusting it over time. Of course, you wouldn’t want to make changes on the fly—that would defeat the purpose of sticking to a schedule. Instead, you need a built-in way to regularly review and revise your schedule to make sure it’s still working for you.

Using a schedule maker involves three basic steps:

  1. turn your values into time
  2. make a template
  3. sync with stakeholders

1. Turn Your Values Into Time

April once struggled with her schedule, or the lack thereof. She works in ad sales at a large tech company in Manhattan. She used to hit her aggressive sales quotas year after year, but not anymore. The days of calmly and confidently representing her company and products were gone and so was fostering deep relationships with her clients. Instead, her friendly disposition had turned bitter. The mounting pressures to sell more and do more in pursuit of a management role had taken their toll.

Those pressures infected April’s schedule. This manifested itself in more meetings, more unplanned conversations, and more emails. As those distractions grew, they crowded out quality time to focus on her priorities. It kept her from taking care of her customers, closing more sales, and demonstrating greater results. But striving to be more productive haunted April and was ultimately making her miserable. It was also causing her to neglect important people in her life like her family and friends.

Johanne Goethe with a speech bubble asking Whatchya doing?If you want to know what’s important to someone without asking them, where would you look? The German philosopher and statesman Johann Wolfgang von Goethe thought of it this way: he believed the way someone spends their time can tell you everything. “If I know how you spend your time,” he writes, “then I know what might become of you. ”

When it comes to using a schedule maker and planning your schedule, where do you begin? You should begin with your values. According to Russ Harris, a physician, therapist, and author of The Happiness Trap, values are “how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.” Values are attributes of the person you want to be. For example, your values may include being an honest person, being a loving parent, or being a valued member of a team. You never achieve your values any more than finishing a painting would let you to achieve being creative. Values are not end goals but rather guidelines for your actions.

The trouble is, we don’t make time to live our values. We unintentionally spend too much time in one area of our life at the expense of others. For example, we get busy at work at the expense of living our values with our family or friends. If we run ourselves ragged caring for our kids, we neglect our bodies, minds, and adult friendships. This keeps us from being the person we desire to be. If we chronically neglect our values, we become someone we’re not proud of. Our life feels it’s out of balance and diminished. Ironically, this ugly feeling makes us even more likely to seek distractions. We want to escape from our dissatisfaction without actually solving the problem.

Although each of us may subscribe to different values, it’s helpful to categorize them into three overlapping life domains. These three domains describe where and with whom we live out our values. Most importantly, they give us something we can use to plan ahead. They help us take control so the way we spend our time becomes an authentic reflection of the person we want to be.

This concept is thousands of years old. The Stoic philosopher Hierocles showed us the interconnected nature of our lives using several concentric circles At its center, he placed the human mind and body. The next ring represented family. Fellow citizens and country men were next with all humanity in the outermost ring.

More recently, Daniel Goleman, author of Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, relates the domains of our life to how we split our attention. Goleman describes “inner,” “outer,” or “other” focus, aligning with self, others, and the world around us. Successful people, Goleman claims, maintain the “triad of awareness” because “a failure to focus inward leaves you rudderless, a failure to focus on others renders you clueless, and a failure to focus outward may leave you blindsided.”

Hierocles and Goleman emphasize the importance of turning our values into time to define what matters most to us. Inspired by their examples, I created a way to visualize the three life domains where we spend our time.

The proportions of life domains work relationship and you in circles

The three life domains: You, Relationships, and Work

April’s problem was her lack of a structured schedule in line with her values. Her troubles were compounded by the self-limiting belief that she, and not her management of time, was the issue. “I’m too slow,” she told me one day as we ate lunch. “I see how other people are; they get so much more done than I do.”

There was nothing wrong with April. She wasn’t “slow.” She just didn’t have the right tools for her new role. Jumping from client to client without a schedule worked all right in her early years on the job, but now that she wanted to climb the corporate ladder, she needed a better way to manage her day. She’d have to design a schedule that allowed her to stay in sync with the stakeholders in all three domains of her life. To do that, I advised April to embrace a new way of working.

2. Make a Weekly Schedule, Budgeting Time Like Money

There’s an amazing line in the movie Top Gun, a favorite from my teen years. Maverick and Goose, two renegade airmen played by Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards, are reprimanded by their ship’s captain. They risked their lives to help a fellow pilot in distress return safely to their aircraft carrier. But the captain, seemingly more concerned about the safe return of their F-14 fighter jets, barks out, “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash!” What a line!

Screenshot of Top Gun Tom Cruise

We all want to be the hero of the movies playing in our heads. We think we can do it all and write checks with our time, forgetting they’ll soon be cashed. But unlike a bank account with a finite balance, we have a tough time keeping track of the time we have left to give. And when we make the grave mistake of over-allocating our time, the stakeholders in our lives suffer. That’s why, in the same way we budget our dollars, we need to budget our time.

April had to unlearn the false narrative playing in her head: that her personal deficiencies and lack of effort (as opposed to her lack of a schedule) were the causes of her degrading performance and growing anxiety. To help April, I asked her to start by showing me her daily schedule. Sheepishly, she opened the calendar app on her phone and let me scroll through her week. I saw mostly open days with a few scattered engagements. It was clear by glancing over her schedule that April was leaving her time up for grabs.

Her day was full of tasks other people wanted her to do, when they wanted her to do them. For example, if a new hire wanted to schedule time to “pick her brain” (a gross term we should really stop using), she’d give him access to her calendar. Of course, he would select a time that was convenient for him. Similarly, April prided herself on having an “open door” policy. Anyone who had the smallest question could walk in and interrupt her at any time. And if a client needed to talk about something, day or night, she was always answering the call.

Early in April’s career, always being available was a great strategy. Back then, her only responsibility was selling. And sell she did. Her entire day was scheduled for doing just one thing well. As the years passed and April got better at her job, her company gave her more clients and more responsibilities. As a result, her old methods stopped working. Additionally, her aspirations had changed; she wanted a senior management promotion and to lead a team. However, the way she worked hadn’t changed. That’s how April found herself in a crippling rut: She wasn’t evolving her ways to match the changing conditions of her interests and job demands. If she was going to advance in her career, she’d have to upgrade her skills and start managing her schedule instead of letting it manage her.

After she decided how much time she’d spend on each domain in her life, I advised April to set a weekly schedule template. A template that shows a hypothetical, perfect week consistent with her values. I asked her to use a schedule maker and leave no open spaces during her waking hours. She was holding a place for everything important to her in properly allocated time slots on her calendar. Now April could ensure the most vital things never fell through the cracks.

She started this process by opening up the schedule maker and prioritizing and planning her “you” time, the self-care time she needed. I asked her to think critically about how much time she needed for sleep, basic hygiene, exercise and anything else she found essential for her well-being. For April, that also included time for watching television and reading books. Then, I asked her to fill in her day with her next top priority after taking care of herself. She booked time in her weekly schedule template when she wanted to spend time with her husband and kids. Nightly dinners and weekend mornings were critical to her. She also found a sliver of time every week for friends and calling her parents. Then, she layered in time for work.

Scheduling her time this deliberately didn’t come naturally to April. But she endured the discomfort of learning a new skill and, as a result, loved the outcome. She now had a view on her entire week down to the minute that respected her values and reduced distractions. It ultimately granted her more time to do what she really wanted.

Now that April had her calendar painted in broad strokes according to the three domains of her life, it was time to dig deeper into her working time, which, despite prioritizing the other two areas of her life first, still represented the largest amount of time in her schedule. April subdivided her workday into the most important tasks she wanted to be sure to do daily. She carved out time for focused work first. From her experience, she knew creating new client proposals could be done faster and better if she did nothing but that task, without interruption.

Every diversion slowed her down and made it more difficult to get back to customizing the pitch. Then she reserved a large chunk of time for client calls and meetings, then time in the late afternoon for processing emails.

It was a rough sketch she knew wasn’t set in stone. Nonetheless, she now had a valuable asset preventing her from slipping back into old habits. No more Maverick-style over-commitments that would limit her productivity and strain her sanity.

Timeboxed weekly calendar created with a schedule maker

An example of a “timeboxed” schedule planner

3. Sync with Stakeholders

Man meeting with woman to sync schedules​By using a schedule maker to build her weekly schedule template, April now had a clear plan she could discuss with the people who placed the largest demands on her time. First, she met with her husband to review her weekly plan. Together, they made some small tweaks and made time for a weekly fifteen-minute schedule calendar sync immediately after lunch every Saturday. During that time, they’d look over each other’s plan for the week and made sure they had enough time scheduled for managing their household and spending time together as a family. April was thrilled.

Then it was time to discuss her schedule with her boss David. To her surprise, when April sat down with him she found he was extremely supportive about her intention to stick to a more planned-out day. “He knew I was burning the candle at both ends,” she told me. “When I proposed a weekly schedule, he actually seemed relieved. He told me it was helpful to know when he could call or message me instead of guessing if I was with my family.”

When she sat down with David, she made a surprising discovery. Many of the commitments clogging her calendar that she believed he cared about weren’t nearly as important to him. He preferred her spending time closing more deals. David also agreed she didn’t need to attend so many meetings or mentor so many people. Better still, less meetings and mentorships weren’t going to hurt her career ambitions. She could still be on track for promotion as long as she put in the time for her most important task: selling!

To stay in sync over time, April and David decided to meet for fifteen minutes every Monday morning at eleven o’clock. The time spent looking at her schedule for the week ahead would give them both peace of mind. It allowed them to make sure that April was spending her time well, and if not, would allow them to go back to the schedule maker and adjust accordingly.

At the end of our meeting, April realized another benefit. She could now not only gain greater control over her day but also cut back on time tethered to her phone at night. This time came usually at the expense of her personal life. Staying synced at work with her boss, therefore, fostered a virtuous cycle that benefited both her home life and work life.

As long as she stayed the course and conducted her weekly calendar reviews with David, she could achieve her biggest goals.

Finally, I asked April to book a weekly fifteen-minute schedule sync with herself. I told her it was critical to open her schedule maker, review her weekly template and make adjustments. Once she had a template in place, it took only a few minutes to reflect, refine, and revise her schedule for the week ahead.

The goal of using a schedule maker isn’t committing to a perfectly strict plan. Instead, the idea is to use the schedule maker to set up a routine to improve your schedule over time. The point is to have a weekly schedule template that serves as a default to return to and make slight revisions week after week. It allows you to get better at understanding how long tasks take and making sure you make time for actions that reflect your values.

Your Weekly Schedule Is Done! What’s Next?

Using a schedule maker helps you answer the fundamental question of what to do next. A quick glance at your calendar made in advance and with intent tells you exactly what you need to do. It reminds you that anything not on the plan is a distraction.

You too can take control over your life. Stick to a practice of keeping a schedule consistent with your values. Make a template and sync-up regularly with yourself and the stakeholders in your life. If you do, you will find time for doing what you intend to do rather than getting distracted.

As for April? She recently got her promotion to a management role and I couldn’t be happier for her.

If you found this guide on using a schedule maker helpful, I hope you’ll share it with others. Perhaps you’d like to introduce the idea of syncing your schedules to your significant other, work colleagues, or boss? If you’d like more science-backed insights for living your best life, check out my other articles below.

schedule maker

WEEKLY SCHEDULE MAKER

Download a free schedule maker template
to help you design your ideal day. 

Take back control of your time
and remove distraction from your life forever.

Your email address is safe. I don't do the spam thing. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy Policy.

Habit Tracker in Google Sheets – Free Template

Check Off Habits As You Go

Habit tracker in Google Sheets

Example Habit Tracker

Second tab of habit tracker google sheet, filled out with example

List of Habits To Track

List of habits to track in Google Sheet

Habit Trackers: How They Work and How to Use the Template

By Annie Graham

Many people strive to improve themselves in one way or another. Whether it’s getting more sleep and exercise, or spending more time doing the things we love, our ideal selves drive us to be better. They symbolize our belief in our own potential to live in alignment with our values.

The drive to improve is also why strategies and tools that enable us to track our behaviors are so potentially gratifying. It feels good to see ourselves moving closer to our goals.

One of these tools is the habit tracker—used to record our behaviors and visualize a trajectory toward better versions of ourselves.

Renowned entrepreneur Jim Rohn spoke to the power of habit when he said, “Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.”

Indeed, the small things we do on a day-to-day basis make up who we are. And habit trackers are a great lever to change them.

That is, if they work.

Oftentimes, habit trackers don’t work if they are designed or used improperly. It’s important to understand how to properly set up a habit tracker template so we can make the most of a potentially effective behavior change tool.

What is a habit tracker?

A habit tracker can be as simple as pen and paper—e.g., printable grids and customizable habit-tracking journals—or digital templates, such as our free Google Sheets template, which works both online and printed on paper.

If you want to go a step further, habit-tracking apps provide easy, fun ways to log habits on the go:

How do habit trackers work?

Habit trackers work by increasing motivation and accountability—in many ways, their strategies leverage parts of the Nir Eyal’s Hooked Model.

Digital habit trackers can send scheduled push notifications and reminders that serve as the cue to perform an action. That’s why they are particularly helpful for habits that require external triggers: They remind us to do the action at the right time.

Proper timing makes the action part of the Hooked Model easier. For example, you’re much more likely to make your bed in the morning, when you’re at home, than at 2pm when you’re out of the house. Making the action easier also increases the chance that people will stay in the loop.

After we complete an action, we mark it as “complete” in our tracker, which not only increases the reward we feel but also enables us to picture our progress.

Habit trackers also capitalize on a powerful part of the Hooked Model: investment. Investment refers to the process of the service improving every time a person uses it. It keeps users engaged in a service because they have unlocked a better experience and have something to lose if they stop visiting.

Habit-tracking apps in particular take advantage of investment by using gamification: Users return to the app and continue their routine because they don’t want to lose their streak, badge, or other investment.

Habit trackers also help us focus on the behaviors we want to work on. By putting them down on paper or typing them into an app and having that list handy, we externalize our goals and increase accountability. Some tracking apps have social features that allow you to share your goals and progress with friends, which adds variable rewards, ups the ante, and theoretically keeps you motivated.

habit tracker

FREE HABIT TRACKER

DESIGN YOUR IDEAL DAY, 
BUILD YOUR BEST LIFE,
AND REVEAL HOW YOU’RE REALLY SPENDING YOUR TIME —

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Why habit trackers sometimes don’t work

Many of the “habits” that people try to build using trackers are not habits at all. A habit doesn’t require conscious thought or deliberate practice—it happens automatically when cued by a trigger, like turning the lights off when you leave a room.

Yet people often track actions, like meditation, that require both conscious thought and deliberate practice. These actions should be labeled “routines” rather than “habits.”

This distinction is helpful in explaining why habit trackers sometimes don’t work.

Often, people pick something too ill-defined or hard to measure and expect to automate behaviors that simply aren’t automatable. These unrealistic expectations can push people to fall off the wagon when the behavior never becomes easy and can lead to feelings of disappointment and shame that deter them from achieving their desired behaviors.

How to use this Google sheet template

When you choose the habits you’d like to add to the Google sheet, be mindful of which behaviors can become automatic habits and which are more deliberate—you don’t have to exclusively include the former, but it’s a good distinction to note upfront.

To decide what to track, break down the domains of your life and brainstorm a list of behaviors you’d like to regularly incorporate into each domain:

  • Health (drinking water, working out, taking medications, flossing)
  • Self-care (meditating, reading, journaling, learning a new skill)
  • Relationships (talking to family members, spending time with kids)
  • Work (arriving on time, upskilling)

For inspiration, you can find a list of 50+ ideas on the “Lists of Habits” tab of our habit tracker template.

Next, input the behaviors into the template and schedule them in your day. This is critical when you are first adopting a new habit. Use timeboxing to specify when you will do the action specified in your habit tracker. If the task isn’t scheduled, odds are, you won’t remember to do it. Above all, avoid judging yourself too harshly as you track your habits—progress isn’t linear, and some behaviors are genuinely difficult to build. It’s important to have a plan in place for what you will do when you fall off track.

You can also further manipulate the reward and investment in your hook. For example, you can promise yourself a reward if you complete a certain amount of days in a month. The best kinds of rewards are the ones that encourage more of the behavior you’re trying to routinize instead of sabotaging it. So instead of rewarding yourself with a trip to an all-you-can-eat buffet if you hit an exercise or weight loss goal, consider rewarding yourself with a new piece of fitness equipment or clothing.

Best of all, focus on the joy of doing the task itself. Research on the overjustification effect has shown that extrinsic rewards can decrease our intrinsic motivation to do something. In other words, if we complete a task for a monetary reward or even for the joy of checking a box on a habit tracker, for example, we feel a decreased motivation to do it for its inherent benefits, such as the satisfaction or joy it provides.

The ultimate goal of a habit tracker is to no longer need to use it. If it’s effective, you’ll want to do the behavior on your own.

Habit Tracker Ideas

HEALTH
  • Finished 30 minute workout
  • Drank x glasses water
  • Took vitamins/supplements
  • Took medications
  • Slept x hours last night
  • Flossed
  • Brushed teeth x times
  • Performed skincare regime
  • Ate vegetables & fruits
  • Avoided screens after 10pm
  • Avoided alcohol
  • Avoided fast food
  • Avoided sugars
  • Avoided carbs
  • Avoided smoking
SELF-CARE
  • Read x pages
  • Journaled x entries
  • Learned new skill for x minutes
  • Limited Youtube/TV to x minutes
  • Prepared home-cooked meal
  • Practiced musical instrument
  • Studied new language for x minutes
  • Took enough breaks at work
  • Gave self-affirmations
  • Onserved x minutes of unwinding time
  • Avoided spending money
  • Performed a good deed
  • Spent time on hobbies
  • Had good posture in chair
RELATIONSHIPS
  • Talked to parents
  • Talked to siblings
  • Told partner “I love you”
  • Had sex with partner
  • Spent time with partner
  • Spent time with kids
  • Spent time with friends
  • Spent time in spiritual reflection
  • Met someone new
  • Showed gratitude
  • Showed discipline
  • Showed vulnerability
  • Showed humility
  • Showed empathy
WORK
  • Billed x hours to clients
  • Learned a new skill
  • Contacted x prospects
  • Arrived on time
  • Worked enough hours
  • Identified a growth opportunity
  • Took initiative
  • Improved relationship w/ coworker
  • Dressed appropriately
  • Contributed in meetings
  • Networked w/ industry participants
  • Made fewer than x mistakes

Try Our Google Sheets Habit Tracker Template

Now that you have a sense of what habit trackers are, how they work, and what to watch out for, you can experiment with them and get a sense of how they work for you. The advantage of the Google Sheets format is that you can customize it to your needs.

Everyone has different ideas of what the ideal self is, and we all respond differently to external rewards and motivations. The journey toward your ideal self is ongoing, so you might as well go forward with self-compassion and curiosity to enjoy it along the way.

Annie Graham is a former software engineer and current doctoral student in clinical psychology.

habit tracker

FREE HABIT TRACKER

DESIGN YOUR IDEAL DAY, 
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A List of 20 Values [and Why People Can’t Agree On More]

A List of 20 Values [and Why People Can’t Agree On More]

What would be your list of values? When you replace the typical definition of ‘values’ with a better one, it suddenly becomes clearer.

When I recently came across the headline “The World’s Most Influential Values, In One Graphic,” I couldn’t help but click—a good data visualization is like catnip for me. The chart, compiled by global research company Valuegraphics, shows the results of 500,000 surveys, across 152 languages, about what people think are a common values. A few of the answers on the list: freedom of speech, leisure, financial security.

I was disappointed. Not because any of those things are bad, but because they aren’t actually values. For the survey, the authors defined values as “what we care about,” which is the definition that a lot of people probably have. The thing is, what we care about changes every day—every minute, even—and that’s why it’s hard to agree on a list of values. When your kid is throwing a tantrum, you care about getting some peace and quiet. When you’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic with an empty fuel tank, you care about whether there’s a gas station nearby. But these things are not examples of values.

Why? Because values are more forward-thinking than simply reactions to the immediate moment. They are attributes of the person you want to be.

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For example, kindness is one of my core values. Every day, I will try to embody that attribute. And if I’m kind to people, then I know I’m living according to my value of kindness. Money, on the other hand, is not one of my values. Rather, money is a thing I value, and there are many ways to get it. One way is doing a job and getting paid for it. Another way is mugging a guy who’s wearing an expensive watch. Only one of those methods is compatible with my value of kindness.

Here’s a simple test: If someone can take it away from you, then it’s not one of your values.

Freedom of speech is certainly valuable, but under an oppressive government, it can be taken away from me. Therefore, freedom of speech is not one of my values; it’s a thing I value. Honesty, in contrast, is something I can own—and it’s a common value shared across cultures. I can choose to embody honesty, or I can choose to lie to people. If I’m honest, then I’m living according to my value of honesty.

Why is this distinction important? Because values are central to human flourishing. We need to define and understand our values if we want to live with personal integrity.

My wife and I believe that our common values are the foundation of a strong marriage. But if we define our values as “things we care about,” we get a noisy and long list full of disagreement. She cares about wearing matching socks; I, on the other hand, will wear two different ones just for fun. Does that make us incompatible? Of course not.

When we define values as attributes of the people we want to be, we can more clearly see our next steps, the actions we can take to move forward. My wife and I both “care about” our daughter–but that’s not actionable. What’s actionable is the desire to be attentive parents. Attentiveness is a value. And if we both want to be attentive parents, we can talk about what that means, and we can strive every day to live up to it. For us, it means being fully present when we’re together, without getting distracted by our phones.

A List of Values

Here is a list of values that embody core traits of the person you might want to be:

  1. Loyalty
  2. Spirituality
  3. Humility
  4. Compassion
  5. Honesty
  6. Kindness
  7. Integrity
  8. Selflessness
  9. Determination
  10. Generosity
  1. Courage
  2. Tolerance
  3. Trustworthiness
  4. Equanimity
  5. Altruism
  6. Appreciation
  7. Empathy
  8. Toughness
  9. Self-Reliance
  10. Attentiveness
There’s a difference between the things you value and your actual values. The former come and go. But your values can guide you throughout your life, no matter the situation. In the end, you have a better measuring stick: real failure is failing to live by your values, and real success is taking action every day to embody them.
Timeboxing: Why It Works and How to Get Started in 2024

Timeboxing: Why It Works and How to Get Started in 2024

Timeboxing (AKA “the time boxing technique” or”time blocking”) is the nearest thing we have to productivity magic, yet most people don’t utilize it. Here’s how to overcome the top 3 reasons why.

“I can’t seem to get important tasks done.”

“I’m always distracted.”

“Why do I always lose focus?”

I hear these complaints from my clients and readers all the time.

But when I recommend perhaps the most effective time management technique ever devised to help people stay on track, most of them balk.

“You want me to plan every minute of my day?”

Yes! Now what are you waiting for?

What is Timeboxing?

Timeboxing is among the most well-studied and powerful methods we know for getting things done. Both Elon Musk and Bill Gates use this time management technique. It amounts to boxing out periods of time to work on distinct tasks each day, using timeboxing apps on your smartphone or a tool like this schedule maker:

Timeboxing using a schedule maker Google template

Despite all the complaining about how distracting the world is given the cacophony of beeping and buzzing emanating from our digital devices, most people have no right to complain.

You can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it is distracting you from. But how do you know what you got distracted from if you don’t plan your time?

In order to finally destroy distraction and live the life you want, you need to start living your life with intent.

Is timeboxing a better time management technique than a to-do list?

Timeboxing is far more effective than running your life with a to-do list of individual tasks. Along with a habit tracker template, successful timeboxing is a critical component of becoming indistractable, and a surefire way to increase productivity.

Having a strict limit on the time spent on a planned activity is a defense against the trap of Parkinson’s law, which says that work expands to fill the time available to complete it. You can still take short breaks, or use the Pomodoro technique as a motivating factor for work sprints.

If you don’t plan your day in advance in an organized schedule—according to your values and your schedule—someone else will plan it for you.

Whether it’s the social media sites, the news, your boss, your kids, or something else, you’ll always get distracted unless you decide in advance how you want to spend your time.

Timeboxing will change your life. It works because it uses a well-researched technique psychologists call, “setting an implementation intention,” which is just a fancy way of saying, “planning out what you are going to do and when you will do it.”

Sadly, people often give up before they’ve even tried timeboxing. As a result, they miss out on the almost magical benefits of timeboxing.

Here are the three most common reasons people don’t timebox, along with their solutions.

Woman with multiple reflections of her body, wary of timeboxing.

Timeboxing Pitfall #1: What-Aboutism

It’s maddening how many people spend hours scrolling for productivity hacks, read books they hope will contain secrets to success, or pay thousands of dollars for courses and gurus they hope will have the answers they seek—and yet, when they finally find a technique that will actually 10X their effectiveness and life satisfaction, they immediately find reasons why it won’t work for them.

I hear it all the time.

“But what about… [insert something that makes your case the special exception].”

Timeboxing works. It is the most studied, most verified technique for sustaining good routines, maximizing productivity, and acting on your values in general. There is a huge amount of evidence to support its effectiveness, and that pile of evidence grows every year.

Yet despite the overwhelming number of studies, many people look for reasons why it won’t work in their super special circumstance.

This is “what-aboutism”—searching for excuses for why a methodology won’t work instead of giving it a real try to find ways to make it work.

Solution: Start small. Time management takes time!

If you’ve never tried to use timeboxing before, suddenly switching to building a whole schedule for the week is daunting.

That’s okay—you can start small.

Try timeboxing one day per week, or even just one afternoon per week. Try that for a few weeks and see how it works out.

Did you turn your values into time? Did you do what you said you were going to do? Then slowly build to more days per week.

Keep in mind the only measure of success is not “how many boxes did I tick-off on my to-do list?,” but rather, “did I do what I intended to do without getting distracted.”

You’ll find that consistently working without distraction for set periods of time will make you more productive than flailing around from one task to the next on your to-do list.

Woman walks in circular maze, an iterative process.

Timeboxing Pitfall #2: Not realizing it’s an iterative process

Look, I wrote the book on being indistractable, and even I occasionally get distracted.

Timeboxing has made my life astonishingly more peaceful and productive, but I still fall off track from time-to-time (though very rarely.)

When circumstances suddenly change, life can throw us for a loop, but that doesn’t mean we stop timeboxing. It means we adjust our time boxes and calendars to make our schedules easier to follow on the next go-around.

Timeboxing is an iterative process.

If you’ve started timeboxing and you find yourself deviating from the schedule, don’t give up. Once you timebox a day, follow your schedule to the best of your ability and get back to the next thing you planned to spend your allocated time on.

When you do get distracted, write down what happened so you can make sure you don’t succumb to the same distraction in the future.

But don’t beat yourself up for getting distracted. Instead, simply adjust your schedule for the day or week ahead to see what would work better.

It takes time to get into a groove, and that’s okay. You’ll also need to make adjustments to accommodate life changes. But as long as you make those changes in advance, and not in the moment, you’ll live your life with intent.

Solution: Think like a scientist, not a drill sergeant.

Once you understand that timeboxing is an iterative process, not set-it-and-forget-it, you can make your schedule work better for your needs. By experimenting and fine-tuning how you allocate your time, you can continuously improve your productivity and make meaningful progress towards your goals.

By approaching timeboxing like a scientist, not a drill sergeant, you’ll run experiments based on your hypotheses of how to build the best possible schedule for your needs.

Every week, I have a 15-minute slot on my schedule to review the week that passed and the week ahead. That little time block is all I need to make adjustments and prepare for the timeboxed week to come.

Psychological reactance in a teenager saying no to using timeboxing

Timeboxing Pitfall #3: Succumbing to psychological reactance

Psychological reactance is an emotional response we feel when someone tells us what to do (or what not to do).

It’s that knee-jerk feeling of, “Don’t boss me around!”

Everyone feels it. Whenever we feel our autonomy is threatened, we tend to rebel. It’s human nature and studies support this widely observed psychological phenomenon.

Weirdly enough, that knee-jerk reaction kicks in even when it’s you telling yourself what to do.

This misplaced reactance can happen even to advanced timeboxers. More often, I hear the siren song of psychological reactance when people complain that timeboxing is “too rigid” or “no fun.” Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

As Jocko Willink says, “discipline equals freedom.” We all know we do our best work when we have constraints, and timeboxing gives us just that in the form of time on our schedules.

The truth is, when people resist timeboxing, they are most often afraid of actually having to do hard work.

Fear of doing the things we know we need to do elicits reactance. Of course, this is completely nuts! If anything, we should be jumping for joy that we finally have a proven method to get ourselves to do the things we know we should.

Yet, when we feel psychological reactance, we sabotage our own best interest by concocting excuses to escape the feeling of being told what to do.

Solution: Disarm psychological reactance.

Disarming psychological reactance is easy.

Remind yourself, “I don’t have to follow this schedule; I get to follow this schedule. It’s my choice. I’m in charge.”

You run your own life. You are the boss. Your time belongs to you, and by timeboxing, you get to have maximum agency over how you spend it.

Become indistractable

While timeboxing is a fantastic tool, on its own, however, it isn’t enough.

Rather, timeboxing works as part of the four-part indistractable model—which involves understanding the foundational psychological concepts that are at work in your brain, such as understanding internal triggers, managing external triggers, and utilizing precommitments.

Indistractable distraction traction triggers diagram

Timeboxing works and is a life-changing practice. Now that you know how to overcome the three biggest barriers to utilizing this well-studied productivity technique, give it a shot. No excuses!

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An Illustrated Guide to the 4 Types of Liars

An Illustrated Guide to the 4 Types of Liars

There are various ways of classifying lies: by their consequences, by the importance of their subject matters, by the speakers’ motives, and by the nature or context of the utterance.

Perhaps the most useful way to classify lies is by the people who tell them: the different types of liars. Understanding lies and liars can help us avoid getting duped as well as protect us from drifting into dishonesty ourselves.

Classifying the Types of Liars

The diagram below is a taxonomy of types of liars, based on plotting their lies along two axes: their intended audiences (x-axis) and their subject matters (y-axis).

A graph of types of liars with axes for those that lie to themselves versus others and those that lie about the facts versus their values

People can lie to two kinds of audiences: other people or themselves, and they can lie about two different kinds of things: facts (or what they believe to be facts) and their values.

We all know what it looks like when people lie about facts, but how does one lie about their values? What are values, anyway?

According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, values are “how we want to be, what we want to stand for, and how we want to relate to the world around us.”

In my own words, values are attributes of the person you want to become.

To state your values in the here-and-now is to commit yourself to being or doing certain things in the future. For example, we might state our values include being a faithful spouse, a person who lives healthfully, or an adventurous individual. What we mean is that who we are and what we do in the future will have been shaped by our adherence to these precepts.

We can now explore four types of liars:

Which Type of Liar Are You?

(For entertainment purposes only)
Choose the option below that best describes you (or someone you know):

Deceitful liars: the types of liars who lie to others about facts

A deceitful type of liar, insincerely gesturing a heart symbol with his hands
Lying to others about facts is prototypical lying. We’ve all done it. Children learn to lie around age three, and researchers believe it’s part of normal human brain development. Lying requires learning to see things from other people’s perspectives, developing what psychologists call “theory of mind.” Learning to tell an effective lie means getting into the other person’s head in order to tell them what they want to hear.
 Fortune teller gets into her client’s head in order to tell them what they want to hear Fortune teller gets into her client’s head in order to tell them what they want to hear

The good news is that we tend to grow out of telling childish lies for purely personal gain—for the most part. We still tell white lies as adults to maintain social relationships.

When was the last time someone greeted you with, “How are you?” and you responded with how you really felt? You likely said, “Great!” or “Fine!” even if you were having an awful day. This sort of dishonesty is expected. Yes, it is technically deceitful, but since both parties know you’re not supposed to respond with any substantive truth, you do it anyway.

Two unhappy people greeting each other in the rain, telling white lies about how their day is going Telling a white lie about how your day is going

Imagine what would happen if you responded instead, “Well, the world is falling apart, I’m starting to question the purpose of my existence, and I’m feeling bloated from the kale salad I ate. But how about you?”

In games like poker, being a skillful liar can help you win. In politics, knowing how and when to lie can be an advantage.

White lies aside, lying to others about facts for personal gain is corrosive to relationships and, if it’s a consistent pattern of behavior, can shut us out of people’s lives (and sometimes society in general).

Door with a sign indicating no liars are allowed entry
Habitual liars get labeled as untrustworthy and earn a bad reputation that often precedes them, especially in our hyperconnected age. Whether it’s checking out someone to date or do business with, our online profiles and social connections increasingly help people keep tabs on our character.

Duplicitous liars: those who lie to others about their values

Person whose true face is hidden behind a smiling mask, a duplicitous type of liar

People can lie about their values just as they can lie about facts. They say they are committed to being someone or doing something, but their actions prove otherwise.

“Duplicitous” comes from the Latin word for “twofold” or “double” and is why we call this sort of liar “two-faced.”

Lying about values can be even more corrosive to relationships than lying about facts. When I state a commitment to being faithful or healthful or loving, I position myself as a certain type of person. I am telling people what kind of person I am now and in the future, so they can count on me to act in certain ways.

 Woman talking about her exercise routine when in fact she has been watching TV in her slippers

Some of the most important decisions in peoples’ lives are guided by this confidence—decisions to spend time with someone, to love them, to make sacrifices for them, to trust them with our money, our children, our careers, or our opinions. Lying about our values undermines this basic trust.

Lying about values compromises peoples’ abilities to make informed decisions because it limits their view of what the future has to offer. If you trust me, you are likely to adjust your behavior based on what I say. If I encourage you to invest in a particular stock or discourage you from applying for a particular job, you will choose to limit your future options based on my advice: you’ll forgo other investment opportunities or forego the one job in favor of others.

In the same way, if people trust that you have the values you say, they’ll forgo other opportunities to invest their time and attention elsewhere because they’re confident you’ll remain the person you say you are.

As in the case of lying about facts, the information age places limits on how long someone can sustain lying about their values. When it becomes evident that there is a disconnect between someone’s professed values and their actions, it is difficult to trust their word ever again.

Delusional liars: those who lie to themselves about facts

Woman with pinocchio nose, lying to herself about the facts

It’s not just other people we lie to. We also lie to ourselves. You might tell yourself that your curt response to someone wasn’t insensitive, or that you didn’t take more than your fair share of dessert, or that you contributed more to the team project than you did.

We constantly lie to ourselves and there’s reason to think that healthy psychological functioning involves some level of self-deception. However, not all self-deception is created equal.

There’s a difference between the commonplace lying that mentally healthy people engage in and the kind of self-deception that marks mental illnesses like schizophrenia or manic depression. There’s also a difference between certain types of self-deception and lies that erode our integrity.

In his novel, The Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky wrote, “Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others.”

Why do people lie to themselves? What motivates us to distort facts in our own heads?

The motives for self-deceit are various. They include insulating ourselves from uncomfortable truths and convincing ourselves of comfortable ones. Humiliated spouses try to convince themselves that their partners really aren’t cheating. Parents try to convince themselves that their children really aren’t badly behaved. Mediocre players try to convince themselves they’re really vital to the team. Many of us try to convince ourselves we’re more likeable, better looking, less biased, or more competent than we really are.

Lying to ourselves can also be a way of reconciling contradictory beliefs. Psychologists call the uncomfortable state of holding two conflicting ideas, “cognitive dissonance.” For instance, let’s say you meet members of a doomsday cult. (Stick with me, this is based on actual events.) The devotees profess to you and everyone they know that they are absolutely certain the world is going to end in 30 days. They’re so sure Armageddon is nigh that they quit their jobs, sell everything they own, and do everything their cult leader says. (It is, after all, the only way they can save their souls in the apocalypse to come.)

30 days pass, and thankfully the world doesn’t end. But now the cult members have a big problem. What will they do the day after the world was supposed to have ended? The cult members believed with all their hearts that the world would end, but it obviously didn’t. Would they renounce their beliefs on the spot, throw up their hands, and say, “Our bad! Let’s go get a Starbucks?” Not likely.

In the 1956 book, When Prophecy Fails, social psychologist Leon Festinger and his colleagues described their study of a small group called the “Seekers.” The group believed in a UFO religion and professed with utter certainty that the world would end in a great flood on December 21, 1954.

When midnight struck and no cataclysm occurred, the group sat in stunned silence. Then, someone realized a clock was five minutes late. Oops! They sat awkwardly for a few minutes longer, awaiting imminent destruction. Obviously, nothing happened.

After four hours of nervous silence, something finally did happen. The group leader announced she received a message from an alien planet that told her, “The little group, sitting all night long, had spread so much light that God had saved the world from destruction.” Hooray!!

Clearly, the group members needed to believe a story to help them escape the facts. Lying to themselves was easier than admitting they were wrong all along.

Lying to oneself about an apocalypse that didn’t happen is silly, but the ability for self-deception can, at times, be a surprisingly valuable asset. Steve Jobs, for instance, was said to have a “reality distortion field” that gave him the power to mysteriously manipulate others into working on seemingly impossible tasks and timelines. By getting others to believe in his version of reality, they sometimes put their doubts aside and took his confidence on faith. According to his former publicist, Andy Cunningham, “When you worked with Steve Jobs, everything that seemed impossible he made possible, or he made you make it possible, which was even more important.”

Jobs’ mind-melting superpower included his ability to manipulate his own beliefs as much as others’. All the great entrepreneurs I’ve met have the power to activate their own reality distortion fields. How else does someone convince people it’s a good idea to invest money or their career into a crazy business idea?
Steve Jobs meditating, emanating a reality distortion field

Unfortunately, all the worst entrepreneurs also have this capability. Theranos founder and Jobs wannabe, Elizabeth Holmes, allegedly used her reality distortion field like a Jedi master of confabulation.

In politics, religion, and business, having a vision can motivate recruits, converts, and customers, and, while our conscience makes it difficult to lie to others, self-deception resolves cognitive dissonance by distorting our own view of reality. If we believe with enough fervor, we can motivate ourselves and others to create the future.

The difference between a prophet and a false prophet is not necessarily who is telling the truth, but rather who is better at convincing themselves and others to work at making their vision a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Demoralized liars: those who lie to themselves about their values

Demoralized liar: the type of person who lies to themselves about their values

People deceive themselves about their values for many of the same reasons they deceive themselves about facts. Among other things, they want to see themselves as more diligent, honest, or trustworthy than they really are. They say they are committed to working hard, telling the truth, or keeping promises, but their actions say otherwise.

The pitfalls of lying about values are similar to those of lying about facts, but there is an added snare—lying to ourselves about values compromises our integrity.

The word “integrity” has its roots in the Latin word “integritas,” meaning “intact.” It describes a whole that isn’t weakened or compromised. A crack in a foundation compromises the integrity of a building; a crack in the hull compromises the integrity of a ship.

When the integrity of a whole is compromised, parts of it are divided from each other, and the whole is weaker as a result—a building is more likely to collapse, a ship to sink.

A muscular man with wobbly legs, signifying a compromised whole

When we lie to ourselves about our values, we are introducing a division within ourselves. If we are insincere in our stated commitments, or if we fail to follow through on them, we create a rift in our lives—either between our words and our intentions or between our current intentions and our future actions. Either way marks a failure—either failing to act how we believe best or failing to embrace the values that are best in fact. The implication in either case is that we don’t fully respect ourselves; either we don’t take our values seriously, or we don’t take our actions seriously.

The same is true of the people we are now and the people we will become in the future. Recall that our values are a way of shaping our future—at least those aspects of it in our control. When we say we’re committed to being diligent, honest, or trustworthy, we’re saying our future selves will be structured by these commitments and that the people we’ll be in five, ten, or twenty years from now won’t differ in these respects from the people we are today.

Failing to live into our stated commitments disrupts the continuity between our current values and our future lives. If our actions don’t line up with our commitments, then either who we are today or who we become tomorrow represents a failure. Either our future fails to hit the target our current values are aiming at, or our current values fail to aim at the right future target. Whichever it is, we can’t look at ourselves—either the people we are or the people we’ll become—without witnessing a miss.

Our integrity (or lack thereof) impacts not just our own lives but others’ too. It’s hard to respect people who don’t respect themselves, and, as we’ve seen, failing to live with integrity is a way of disrespecting ourselves. It’s also hard to trust the word of people who don’t take their own word seriously, or to entrust responsibility to people who don’t respect their own agency.

Tips for Building Integrity

Failing to live in line with our values disrupts the trajectory of our lives. When we think, feel, and act with integrity, by contrast, our lives stay on target. They arc into the future in line with our values and ensure we become the people we choose to be. They also provide the stability of character needed to build lasting relationships of trust and mutual respect.

How do we become people with integrity? In my book, Indistractable, I describe the practical steps we can take to build personal integrity by doing what we say we will do. Integrity requires consistency, so building integrity requires we follow-through on our word, to ourselves and others.

Here are 7 ways of act with integrity:

A list of 7 tips for building consistency (integrity) with yourself and others

1. Keep your commitments and 2. only commit to things consistent with your values. |

When we live with integrity, our actions are consistent with our words, and our words are consistent with our values. If you say you’re going to do something, integrity requires you to do it.

Failing on your commitments creates a rift between what you do and what you say, and internal rifts of this sort destroy integrity. They also destroy trust.

If you’re a people-pleaser, you may find yourself making promises to make other people (and yourself) feel good. You and they experience a bit of emotional relief when you say, “I can help you with that!” But if you don’t fulfill your promise later on, people will come to know they can’t rely on you; they’ll come to know you’re not someone they can trust.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If you’re unsure whether you can keep a promise, don’t make it. Instead, give yourself time to reflect on your reasons for wanting to promise something and whether you can really deliver. It’s fine to say, “I’d love to help with this, but I can’t commit right now. Can I get back to you tomorrow?” Who’s going to say no to that?

A man busy cooking while talking on phone, postponing a decision to commit to help a friend

3. Show up when you say you will.

Our commitments include being on time. This is advice you likely got from your grandma, or in my case, my college professor. “Lateness is a sign of disrespect!” she intoned while wagging a finger at stragglers who slunk in late to lecture.

When you’re late for appointments, you’re effectively telling the people you’re meeting that they’re not very high on your list of priorities. You are, moreover, effectively telling yourself that your word isn’t worth very much, that no one—not even you—can rely on what you say. You can’t expect other people to respect you if you don’t respect yourself, and not showing up when you say you will is a way of signaling that you lack self-respect and that you don’t take your own word seriously.

A man standing next to boxes containing his time allocations: work, gym, reading, etc.

4. Timebox.

Timeboxing is a schedule making technique. Being on time all the time can be difficult to manage when you have many commitments. Timeboxing is the most effective technique I’ve found for keeping your day on track.

The goal of timeboxing is to create a schedule that minimizes the chances of getting derailed by distractions.

Remember, you can’t call something a distraction unless you know what it distracted you from. Therefore, you can’t complain you got distracted without knowing in advance what you’re going to do with your time.

Timeboxing empowers you to spend your time according to your values, keeping your commitments to yourself and others.

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5. Act consistently with other people.

It’s natural to make small adjustments to your behavior tailored to the immediate situation. You wouldn’t act the same way at your friend’s bachelor party as you would at a brunch with your new in-laws. But if you’re living with integrity, you won’t deviate from your core values no matter what the context.

6. Avoid hypocrisy.

Integrity demands that we judge other people and ourselves according to the same standards. There’s a word for people who don’t do this; they’re called hypocrites.

Hypocrites employ double standards: they use one set of standards to judge other people and a different set to judge themselves. They will, for instance, ruthlessly criticize other people for being late, driving too slow, or cutting in line, but feel justified in doing the very same things.

In some ways, applying different standards to people is natural. We don’t criticize our spouse for not knowing how to fix the drain, but we do criticize a plumber. Similarly, we don’t blame a casual acquaintance for failing to mention the bit of broccoli stuck in our teeth, but we would blame a close friend. Then there are people whose circumstances warrant different treatment: children, the disadvantaged, or those with mental or physical disabilities.

What sets hypocrites apart is that their double standards aren’t keyed to people’s social roles or circumstances. They apply different standards to people in the same circumstances they’re in, doing the same things they do.

This violates a basic principle of fairness: equals deserve equal treatment.

Hypocrisy is so corrosive to integrity that I’ve devoted a separate article to it. For our purposes, it’s enough to take home this point: don’t be a hypocrite!

7. Avoid lying.

No one wakes up in the morning and says, “I want to be deceived today; I want to be lied to, fooled, and taken advantage of.” We value the truth—at least for ourselves. If we lie to other people, we’re implicitly demanding that they tolerate something we wouldn’t tolerate for ourselves. That kind of double standard is inconsistent with integrity—a sentiment Shakespeare expressed in Hamlet: “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man”.

A freshly woken man sarcastically announcing the pleasure he anticipates in being deceived toda.

This doesn’t imply that bending the truth can never be justified. If you’re sheltering a friend from a band of homicidal maniacs who ask point blank if he’s with you, lying to protect his life makes sense. If your aunt asks how her new hat looks, lying to protect her feelings makes sense as well.

But even though lying in some situations might be the right thing to do, people with integrity handle any decision to lie with extreme caution. They use it as a last resort, and are very clear about their reasons. They understand that lying is like using high explosives—without the appropriate precautions, it can demolish integrity.

Spotting liars isn’t always as simple as when someone lies to you and you know the truth — but with this guide to the different types of liars, you should be equipped to detect them all, and avoid becoming one yourself.

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